Frustration x 10

Let me just say that I am a talker. I talk all the time with pretty much anyone about almost anything. I not one of those mysterious people you look at and say "wow I wonder what she's thinking. " I pretty much will tell anyone completely personal details about my life. I've been this way as long as I can remember. I like to share and I find that my sharing encourages others to share with me which satisfies my nosy nature. The problem with this is that I am not a single person anymore, I am part of a "we." This means that sometimes the things that I share include details about others in my life and this is causing problems. In my defense I'm not attempting to demean or embarrass my other or "air dirty laundry" I just like to share my life with others. Now, I would not betray a confidence. If I am asked not to share something I won't, but if there is no disclaimer then I feel most things are fair game. I find it very frustrating that people who have know me for over a decade now find huge fault with this aspect of my personality. I'm going through a time of great irritation and dissatisfaction. I've had a very stressful past few months and currently no aspect of my life feels stable. I feel so frustrated (hence the creative title of this post) and I honestly am to the point where I just don't give a damn. I'm tired of the struggle, I'm tired of the disagreement and I'm tired of trying to please everyone else. Screw 'em all I say.

Panera Surprise

OK, let me start by saying this is the FOURTH time I've had to type this post. The first two times I accidentally deleted it after a couple of sentences and then once I had finally typed the whole thing in and clicked on publish post I got an error that blogger was down!!! FRUSTRATION!!!!!!!

Ok, that's over. I actually want to share an exciting thing that happened to me today at an otherwise boring time of day. I went to lunch with a friend from work and she suggested Panera Bread. We went to a location near the hospital that I actually have never gone to. While ordering my sandwich and giving my very specific instructions for toppings someone behind the counter started mocking me a bit and said "you obviously haven't been to Panera in a long time. . we don't have sprouts anymore" normally I would have ignored this person or made some smart remark but her voice made me actually look at her and Oh my goodness it was one of my best friends from high school! I was so excited that I screamed and ran over to her and gave her a big 'ol hug, completely forgetting to finish ordering my food. I haven't seen Carrie in 6 years so it was so cool to randomly see her at a restaurant I never go to. Last I knew she was living in St Louis, but it turns out she moved back her a few years ago and didn't know my new last name (marriage and all that) so couldn't get in touch. Crazy huh? Of course we exchanged email/phone numbers and hopefully we can get together very soon. I don't know if we have anything in common anymore but it'll be fun to find out! Bob has kept in touch with so many of his friends from high school and I have not. When I went away to college I kept in touch with a few of them but over the years I've lost touch with all of my closest friends. It'd be so great to have friends around again who new me before I was just some body's mommy/wife/employee etc. Also it'll be fun to be able to say "remember that time when. . . . . " I've been thinking a lot about family and friends since Grandpa died last week. I realized how much I've missed out on over the years by not being as close with my family. I hope that I can do a better job of maintaining relationships in my life that really matter.

Just a few things to say

I've just spent the last hour or so catching up on some of my favorite blogs. It's been so long since I've taken the time to read some of my favorites. . I've discovered I've missed quite a bit! My cousin in her blog made a comment about how her employer has blocked blogger and it just so happens we work for the same place and I agree totally that it sucks! It's so much easier to blog at work that at home. I have the kids and husband hounding me for this and that and it's so hard to sit down at the computer and write. This is why my journals are sitting unopened on my nightstand. Today is the fourth of July which happens to be my grandparents anniversary. I think that is a very cool day to get have gotten married. My family usually gets together at my grandparents house and has a really fab celebration. I haven't been to it myself in several years but I have great memories of it. This year I'm spending my evening at home with my now 17 month old Emie while my 4 year old Max is off with his daddy. We went to a celebration last night and didn't get home until 10:30 which is super late for my kids. Emie is always in bed by 8 so tonight she was in no kinda shape to be around anybody! It's been awhile since I've posted so I'll share a bit of info to catch anyone who is interested up. My temporary job has become permanent. I love the job but miss being at home with my kids. Fortunately we have found super childcare for both kids but I beat myself up daily for paying someone else to raise my children. Both kids are doing super! We've had a couple of great mini-vacations this summer. We spent a weekend in St Louis and went to the Arch, Union Station and the Zoo. The zoo has a great Dinosaur exhibit and Max loved it! Emie wasn't as impressed but we got a kick out of her saying "moo" to all the dino's! We also took Max camping a couple of weeks ago. That was a great time. Emie spent the weekend with her Poppa and Grandma which was totally the right decision. It was hot and it rained and she would have hated every minute of it. Max had the best time and we are going to go again soon. I'm going to get either my husband or my oh so tech savvy cousin to show me how to add pic's so I can put Emie and Max in these posts so you'll see how adorable they are. Well I've started blogging again and hopefully I can at least make it a weekly habit 'cause I know I can't do it daily.